Part 3: the mission...

Here is the third installment of our love story.... the mission.

When Jason and I started dating, we knew that he would soon be serving a two year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think we both kind of ignored the fact in the beginning, but the close that time came, the more we had to face reality: a very small percentage of those who say they will wait for their missionaries actually wait. 

I have to admit, the thought scared me a little bit. Out of all of the men I had dated (seriously or just a few dates), no one made me feel confident and beautiful like Jason did. For those who don't know, I have suffered from poor self-esteem for as long as I can remember. During my own mission, I came to a great knowledge of what it means to be a child of a loving God, and that improved how I saw myself. I thought I was doing very well! Then Jason came along and helped me to love myself... which I hadn't done to this extent. I was so afraid of losing what I I had discovered, and the thought of not being with Jason for the rest of my life was miserable; just thinking about dating other men made me want to throw up a little bit. Jason and I had a long talk, and decided that I would date others while he was gone, and if I was available when he returned... great!

While Jason spent two years serving the Heavenly Father's children in Paraguay, I spent two years finishing up college. I knew that if I was busy the time would pass quickly, and I wouldn't have time to feel lonely. I graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree, participated in many theatrical productions (on and off stage), worked part time, and participated in my church activities. I think I may have gone to the extreme trying to stay busy, because I was burnt out by the time graduation came around. But I must say, the time did pass quickly! Very.

Now, you must know that I did date any guy who asked me... it's just that not very many asked. At first they did, but once word got around that I was waiting for a missionary, the invitations stopped. I really didn't mind it. 

The most difficult part about waiting for Jason was the constant feeling of loneliness. I tried to lessen the feelings by playing with friends and family as often as possible, and constantly being involved in a show. It worked, to an extent. No matter what I did, there was an important part of my life missing, and I knew it. Waiting wasn't hard, it was just lonely.

The second most difficult thing to deal with while waiting was feeling like no one supported me in my decision. I know that some very close friends and even my family members didn't believe that I would wait for Jason. That was hurtful sometimes, and I often felt abandoned... which only made me feel more alone. The closer Jason's homecoming came, the more support I began to receive from those who had been against me... I suppose they finally realized that I was serious about this boy!

I have to admit, a few weeks before Jason come home, I freaked out a little. My close friends know what happened here. I panicked when I thought that throughout these two years we both have changed... what if we didn't work out when he got home? If it didn't work out, could we still be friends... and how would that effect our individual relationships with out mutual group of friends? What if... what if? I calmed down a little bit the night before his plane flew in... but waiting for him in the airport...

Cliff-hanger!!! Stay tuned for more.