back to "normal" life...

 Hello Everyone! I'm back!

Just for a quick recap... the wedding went so smoothly, it was almost unreal. There were no major hiccups, the ceremony was spiritual, the venue was beautiful, the donuts and hot chocolate was wonderful (and there was plenty of it), and people (mainly a certain group of our friends) enjoyed the photo booth. The only thing that was slightly amiss was the snowy roads, which kept some of the family and friends from coming. I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day!

The honeymoon was also wonderful! We left freezing Utah for sunny San Diego, CA. Granted, it was still mid-winter, so the weather didn't quite allow for shorts and bathing suits. The temperature was around 60 degrees for most of the week, which was just fine. We visited Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, Old Towne, and the beach. (Jason had never been to the beach before, and it was adorable to watch him. He was like a little kid! If only it has been warm enough to actually get in the water.) Needless to say, we were not excited to come home and go back to our jobs.

Once we got home, it was back to work... and everything else. Not only do we both work full time, but we are involved in a production of Next to Normal at the Ziegfeld Theatre in Ogden, UT. Once we got home, there were only two weeks left of rehearsal before opening, and we had rehearsal every day! Well, Jason had rehearsal every day; I came on a little later as the Assistant Stage Manager... I keep things running behind the scenes. I love being a part of this show, but it was sad having no time to ourselves.

Now that the show is open, we have time to be with each other again, and we're working on going through the wedding gifts, and making our apartment into a home (however temporary that is). I love being married! I love the constant companionship, and the feeling of security. I love being Jason's wife!

the end, and the beginning...

Waiting in the airport for Jason's plane to arrive was... scary. I was very nervous. It had been two years, and the only contact we had were the weekly emails and we Skyped on Mother's Day and Christmas (which I guess is a lot... thank you, Technology). I had told Jason about my little freak out (I tell him everything), and I was unsure of how we should act around each other. I could hardly hold still.

As soon as I saw him, I felt relieved. We hadn't talked about anything, or even touched, but just having him in the same room was comforting. I had forgotten how much I loved him... but all of those feelings came rushing back to me, and it was wonderful! Admittedly, it was still awkward... should we hug, should we not hug? But we did.

The first few hours together were still a little strange, since we really hadn't had the chance to talk one on one. Our wonderful friend Katherine was there to lessen the awkward, and I couldn't have been more grateful for that. By the end of the day, all three of us were cuddling on the couch watching Tangled. Even holding hands with Jason again was like Heaven. I felt so... whole.

We were together again! You have to know, we did give each other the option to date other people for a while... if we wanted to... but neither of us wanted to. After being together again for just a short time, we knew that we wanted to get married. For those who say, "that was fast," I will completely agree with you, but I'm not opposed to it. We knew we were going to get married after a month of dating before his mission, and it wasn't a surprise to either of us that we still wanted that after the mission.

We have a ring, a date, a temple to marry in, a reception center, a dress, a tux, and a marriage licence... and by this time next week, we will be husband and wife, sealed together for time and all eternity; and I couldn't be happier about it!

Part 3: the mission...

Here is the third installment of our love story.... the mission.

When Jason and I started dating, we knew that he would soon be serving a two year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think we both kind of ignored the fact in the beginning, but the close that time came, the more we had to face reality: a very small percentage of those who say they will wait for their missionaries actually wait. 

I have to admit, the thought scared me a little bit. Out of all of the men I had dated (seriously or just a few dates), no one made me feel confident and beautiful like Jason did. For those who don't know, I have suffered from poor self-esteem for as long as I can remember. During my own mission, I came to a great knowledge of what it means to be a child of a loving God, and that improved how I saw myself. I thought I was doing very well! Then Jason came along and helped me to love myself... which I hadn't done to this extent. I was so afraid of losing what I I had discovered, and the thought of not being with Jason for the rest of my life was miserable; just thinking about dating other men made me want to throw up a little bit. Jason and I had a long talk, and decided that I would date others while he was gone, and if I was available when he returned... great!

While Jason spent two years serving the Heavenly Father's children in Paraguay, I spent two years finishing up college. I knew that if I was busy the time would pass quickly, and I wouldn't have time to feel lonely. I graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree, participated in many theatrical productions (on and off stage), worked part time, and participated in my church activities. I think I may have gone to the extreme trying to stay busy, because I was burnt out by the time graduation came around. But I must say, the time did pass quickly! Very.

Now, you must know that I did date any guy who asked me... it's just that not very many asked. At first they did, but once word got around that I was waiting for a missionary, the invitations stopped. I really didn't mind it. 

The most difficult part about waiting for Jason was the constant feeling of loneliness. I tried to lessen the feelings by playing with friends and family as often as possible, and constantly being involved in a show. It worked, to an extent. No matter what I did, there was an important part of my life missing, and I knew it. Waiting wasn't hard, it was just lonely.

The second most difficult thing to deal with while waiting was feeling like no one supported me in my decision. I know that some very close friends and even my family members didn't believe that I would wait for Jason. That was hurtful sometimes, and I often felt abandoned... which only made me feel more alone. The closer Jason's homecoming came, the more support I began to receive from those who had been against me... I suppose they finally realized that I was serious about this boy!

I have to admit, a few weeks before Jason come home, I freaked out a little. My close friends know what happened here. I panicked when I thought that throughout these two years we both have changed... what if we didn't work out when he got home? If it didn't work out, could we still be friends... and how would that effect our individual relationships with out mutual group of friends? What if... what if? I calmed down a little bit the night before his plane flew in... but waiting for him in the airport...

Cliff-hanger!!! Stay tuned for more.

my love story, chapter 2...

When rehearsals for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers first began, the brides and the brothers didn't have rehearsals together for a week or two. I didn't know anything about my partner, which saddened me because I thought Jason was very cute, even if he was almost five years younger than me.

I distinctly remember the first Saturday dance rehearsal as the day I started to fall for Jason. It was the first time we had the chance to get to know each other, and he just kept getting more and more attractive as the hours past. I told myself it was just a show-mance, and that it didn't mean anything. I flirt with everyone, so I didn't think it would be obvious that I was crushing on him.

As the rehearsals and performances went on, I liked Jason more and more. I kept telling myself he was too young for me! I have always liked younger men, but four and a half years is really pushing the limit. Those that knew about it told me it was all right because he was 18, I wasn't doing anything illegal. Haha! I have very supportive friends.

I suspected that Jason liked me as well, but tried not to let this get to me. I had just accept that it was just a crush, and move on... it would pass after the show was over... just stick it out until the end.

When there were two weeks of performances left, Jason and I both gave up trying to suppress the feelings, and he asked me on a date. I was going to be up in Cache Valley for the afternoon, so he asked me to dinner after my plans. We went to Coppermill for dinner, and went to the park to the swings. It was wonderful! Then he took me to my car, and I told him it would be all right if he kissed me before I left. Jason told me that one of his dating rules was never to kiss a girl on the first date; my argument was that we had already kissed at least 35 times already on stage. (You can argue that it's not the same thing, but we liked each other, so our stage kisses were... a little more real.) I guess my argument won out, because he came back and kissed me. Triumphant! It was wonderful, and I smiled the whole way home.

After that first date, we were "official", and we saw each other as often as possible. We received many comments from the cast members like "sheesh, finally!" and "we've all been waiting for this to happen!" I guess everyone know about us except for... us.

Jason and I were inseparable from that first date until he left on his mission five months later. 

More to come...

the beginning of my love story...

In December 2009, I had been home from my mission for almost five months and i needed to be in a show. I really needed to be in a show. The community theatre close by was holding auditions for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; and although this wasn't a musical on my "Shows I Have to Do Before I Die" list (yes, I have one of those), I decided to audition anyway. There would be a lot of dancing, and no matter which bride you are you get a decent amount of stage time. I auditioned and made the part of Ruth, bride to Caleb. 

I was so excited to be in a show again! The last one I had done was Little Shop of Horrors at Pickleville Playhouse before I left on my mission. Our first rehearsal in January was a blast! The scripts and scores hadn't arrived yet, so we just got to know each other-- by trying to escape a human knot for over an hour. I've never been hugged by so many people at the same time! I also had a chance to get to know my partner, Brian. The cast was shaping up to be a very talented group of people, and I was excited to get started... but we were still a little short handed when it came to men, as it is with most musical productions; we had no one to play Benjamin.

Two of the Brides, who commuted from Cache Valley, told the directors that they knew a boy that would do the show. The directors agreed to hold a small audition for him, so Katherine and Kat brought their friend Jason down to Ogden. He sang a few bars and was immediately cast, but he looked too young to play the second oldest brother, so they shifted the partnerships around a little bit, and I ended up with the new kid. I am so glad that happened, because I ended up falling in love with him, and not just on stage.

You can expect a second installment of this story soon...

... things Earnest taught me.

Life has been happening so quickly lately! So much has happened between this post and my last, but it’s been so fulfilling. Here is a small re-cap:

Directing The Importance of Being Earnest was a wonderful growing experience for me! I wouldn't trade those two plus months for anything. Like every production, there were bumps along the way, but the final product was worth every ounce of hardship. My actors were delightful to watch every night; not only were they all incredibly talented, but they all grew as actors throughout the process. My heart swells with pride when I think of those beautiful people.

Here are a few things I learned through the directing experience: 

1) Preparation is the key putting up a quick production. I didn't realize that as the director I really had to be involved in every aspect of the production. It wasn't like acting in a show, where the set magically appears on the stage one day; I had to be the one to make sure the set pieces came together. So many things are the director’s responsibility, and I had no idea. Luckily, I had an amazing assistant director who has experience in directing, and a fabulous stage manager who worked his tail off to make things work. My deepest thanks to them for helping me know what I needed to do. 

2) Sometimes it’s not easy to work with the board of the theatre, but you do your best with what you are given and move on. There was a lot of miscommunication between myself and the Board, and it caused some contention. Although it was hard to deal with, I learned from it and will be better for it. Communication is vitally important. 

3) Every person that is involved in the show brings something new to the production that you hadn't planned on. The scenes that ended up on that stage were not the scenes that I imagined before casting, but after seeing my actors at work, I wouldn't have it any other way. Each person wanted to make this play a success, and you could see their commitment in the way that they brought their characters to life. 

4) I really like directing! I had a small taste of it in the directing classes I took in college, but they did not prepare me for the love I would feel for a production that is mine. The Importance of Being Earnest will always be special to me.

To sum up, I cherish the experience of being a director, and I fully intend to take any future opportunities to direct again! I thought my love for theatre couldn't grow any deeper… but it really did.

I realized as I was working on Earnest that I had been participating in a theatrical production all year long. Remember the Magic began in January, and then I agreed to be the music director for Hello Dolly! immediately following, and then it went straight into Earnest. From January to the end of October I was at the Old Barn. I told myself that I need to take a break, I was tired, and I have more important things to plan now… but it’s been a month, and I feel like that’s been enough rest! I am craving the stage. Although I've been participating, I haven’t been performing all year… so I think that will be the next thing that I do. In fact, The Terrace Plaza Playhouse will be putting up a production of Little Women in the spring... and being Jo in Little Women is my DREAM!!! With any luck (and a lot of preparation), that will be my next theatrical pursuit.

In the meantime, I really do have bigger fish to fry: I’m getting’ married!!!

Happy Ever After

I am not one to pick favorites. In fact, my favorites of anything (color, music genre, food, etc) are constantly changing. But today, I wanted to talk about today's favorite musical: Into the Woods, music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and book by James Lapine. There are many things I love about this musical, but the one that keeps me coming back is that I learn something new ever single time I listen to or watch it.

Call me crazy, but I liken musicals to my life just as much as the scriptures. Today, I've listened to the Into the Woods soundtrack three times, and I found myself seriously connecting with the character of Cinderella. It's interesting to note that last time I auditioned for this show, Cinderella was the last part I wanted. At the time, I felt like her character was stereotypical and it wouldn't be a challenge to play. I can say now that I was completely wrong about her. She and I are a lot more alike than I thought. 

In the beginning of the play, she goes to her mother's grave for help and she says, "What is wrong with me, Mother? Something must be wrong." This phrase really hit me today, with all of the inner turmoil of the upcoming decisions in my life... when things aren't going particularly well, I revert back to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. At these times I really do feel like something must be wrong with me. Cinderella doesn't see her good qualities very clearly, because in her mind her flaws outweigh all other attributes. To us outsiders, she is wonderful. She has lost the only person that really loved her (her mother); her father is there, but non-supportive; and she suffers everyday at the hand of her step-family, and yet she still continues on. She is beautiful, talented, kind, people-oriented, and intelligent. So, how can she possibly feel inadequate?

If you really look at the words of her songs, this girl is hesitant to make a choice. The Baker's Wife asks Cinderella if the Prince is everything she's ever wanted, and she replies, "but how can you know what you want until you get what you want and you see if you like it." I am having those same feelings at this point in my life. Then, in the number "On the Steps of the Palace" we hear Cinderella's inner dialogue about how she came to leave her shoe on the stairs for the Prince to find. She weighs both options and their possible outcomes, but neither choice outshines the other... so she decides not to decide. She leaves the choice-making up to the Prince. Oh, how I understand Cinderella's frustration here. The choices that stand before me right now are daunting and life-changing... and I don't want to be responsible for the outcome! I wish that the right decision was clear, I wish that I could let someone else make the choices for me, I wish that I could run away from the whole responsibility... but I can't. Cinderella let someone else decide and her life was a relatively happy one, but eventually the Prince cheated on her and she was left alone again. Of course, this isn't a one time lesson to learn; Cinderella learns over and over again throughout the play that the choices are hers. I'm sure that if we were to see the story continue on after the curtain comes down, we would see her struggle with this again and again.

My favorite song in the musical (of course, this one changes as well), is "No One is Alone." Here, Cinderella and the Baker and comforting Little Red and Jack during a moment of darkness, suspense, and uncertainty. I feel like Cinderella really grows up during this number. There is someone who needs comfort more than she does, so she puts aside her own needs to teach and comfort another (Little Red). I believe that Cinderella is truly speaking from the heart, drawing on her life choices, and examining her own life. I'm hoping that soon I will be able to grow up like that.

The best thing about Into the Woods is the happy ending. Argue with me all you want, but I see a bight outlook at the end of this musical. Yes, people are hurt or killed, and it's not your typical "happily ever after", but life isn't like that either. The show ends with the Baker ready to teach his son with the knowledge that he gained in the woods, everyong sings about what they've learned, and the Baker even says, "I think I see a glimmer." Life has a lot of ups and downs, and you never really know what will happen, but you can always know that you can learn from it, and that the darkness will not last forever. There are countless "happy endings" in our lives... and then the next trial or experience comes and we trudge through it to the next "happy ending". Hope is not lost, and no one is alone.

So, do you see why I love musicals so much?!